the best thing about this summer so far has been the live music i have seen. it was one of my main goals to sort of internalize life by seeing as much live music as possible and create new memories around old music that haunts me with old memories.
i know everyone has their ‘things’ that remind them of people or places. smells, food, sounds, etc. and i am sure for a lot of people music is one of those things. for me, it isn’t just a ‘thing’. hearing music that reminds me of people can be absolutely painful and joyful; real and surreal; physical and ethereal. i can’t explain it. and, to a non-music connector, i am sure it seems strange.
so, how is this a problem? well, let me just say–there are some amazing songs, artists, albums, that i simply just can not listen to anymore because of the memories they conjure. and i think that is crap, to be honest. i tie every song i hear to an experience or a person, and i need to knock that shit off.
soooo, i have been listening to a lot of music i haven’t been able to listen to for a while, and at the same time, trying to MAKE it feel different…because IT IS GOOD and should be listened to!!! I have successfully done this with a few shows, bands, albums. i have a few to work on.
i have seen three bands this summer that hold mad amounts of memories for me. i have successfully changed them from one thing to another. death cab for cutie at red butte gardens and greg laswell at the murray theater and the devil whale just this last weekend at the woodshed (a venue that has its own memories in addition to the musical ones). whew! it was difficult. now, i will say that perhaps the new memories i made will not serve me well in the future and i may in fact have to once again change them at some point. haha. oh well.
my next attempt is the as tall as lions show, which is in a few weeks (not july, like i had thought). i am pretty sure i won’t be successful at this one, but a girl can try.
i know it sounds stupid trying to harness new memories with old music. but i am sick of being overtaken with shit that effing sucks just because a really good tune happens to find it’s way through the shuffle on my itouch. of course, i am realistic, i know that certain memories will always attach themselves to certain musical arrangements–but removing myself, even just a little bit, seems to help. sometimes i think about all of the things i have lost in the past 2 years and music becomes impossible to listen to all together. i am working on acquiring more memories/feelings/people/experiences and not having to give up some of the music i have loved because of the people i have loved. i simply will not give that in addition to everything else. i will say, however, that the playlist entitled “sighs and stuff” has now been deleted. i have officially dismantled the order, in order to create the new music order that i so badly need.
in other news:
i think the devil whale is the best band in salt lake city. just saying.
work is slowing down a bit…i feel as though i can breathe. but that will last but a moment, i am sure.
today, i don’t feel like i am in such a black hole of nothing…so that is something.
i want to marry greg laswell. badly.
anyway, things are going along. bumps in the road suck, but oh well. school starts in three weeks. i can’t believe it. i am going to do my very best to be back to my happy/healthy/spunky/sassy self by that time. not sure how to do that. not sure how to pull myself out of this blahness i am constantly in lately. all i have wanted to do is sleep. not such a good sign. people are starting to notice. i hate that.
happy happy happy!!!!!!!