as we can see by the amount of time since my last blog, life has been nothing but busy. the past three weeks or so has been very interesting for me. life is changing, i believe. i mean, it always is….but something about me has changed.
maybe it is the impending 30th birthday
maybe it is that i haven’t had a carb in a month
maybe it is the time i have been spending alone
or the trip to the international rescue committee….
maybe it has been seeing the devastation in haiti
maybe it is that i am feeling physically and emotionally better than i have in years….
but my thought process had started to switch gears.
my whole adult life has been fast paced. i have been more than goal oriented and i have achieved most of those goals. i have had the whole bullshit american dream of owning homes and cars, being married, dressing the part, being promoted, making money….blah blah. i have done all of those things. none of them have really gotten me anywhere.
the things that i thought made me happy–maybe did for a little while. but none of them have given me long lasting happiness. my marriage ended, i had a home nearly foreclose, i have seen my credit score go from a golden ticket to a lump of coal…and all because i was chasing after things that didn’t really matter.
so what matters?
well, i think that is the new journey i am on.
i need to be more aware of the things that aren’t in congruence with real happiness.
there will be a change in career. this is mandatory.
i need to spend more time at home, alone
i need to create more
i need to read more
i need to just sit and “be” more
i need to be with my dogs more
i need to say ‘i love you’ more
i need to not….shop…..as…..much. haha.
i have all sorts of tangents i could go off on here…things that are going on in the world that are inconceivable to most of us. the more i educate myself, the more i realize that i have absolutely nothing to complain about. nothing. i have clothes on my back, a warm place to live, food to feed myself, and amazing people in my life. money comes and goes. and i have more than enough. i have money that i could be using to help others. i don’t have the time…and that is something that i need to change.
i have been living to work. and that also needs to change. real living needs to start. i need to enjoy the little things. i need to forgive. i need to progress.
i need to move away for a while. this will also happen.
little changes lead to big changes. and i feel very different. i like this feeling.
AND–if you don’t know about the IRC, CLICK HERE to check it out.
and if you can help haiti, perhaps you should. 🙂
i told my sister i was turning into a hippy and she reminded me that i apply mascara twice. which is true. haha. however, i am entering a reevaluation state. i think i am going to start delving into some research on taoism and Buddhism. enlightenment and happiness aren’t going to be found in any of the places i have been looking. 🙂 don’t get me wrong, i don’t think religion of any kind is the answer (for me) at all–but emotion, enlightenment, education, spirituality–those things are key, i believe. material things, “man” made organizations, and lusting after money are not.
blah blah….you all get the point. 🙂