every year i write some kind of what i refer to as an “obligatory thanksgiving blog.” this year, i was going to skip it because really, it never feels like something anyone would want to read–or cliche’ somehow. however, the past few weeks, i haven’t really been feeling like myself. the weather has gotten cold and grey, the funds have been low, and i have been feeling mostly overall blah. i can’t pinpoint one big thing that has been making me feel like doing nothing more than sleeping, watching movies, dog cuddling on the couch, or having a few cocktails and reading–but a lot of little things can sometimes end up feeling like much more than one big thing. the problem with little things is that once in this rut, any small thing can feel huge, significant, weighted, and overwhelming. the little things ALL become the big things and dealing with them in succession just feels, well, shitty. a wrong look could send me into a bawl fest at this point. how annoying?
so, because i am a major believer in the power of gratitude and positive thinking, i felt it was time to focus on what i am happy about, what i love, and what makes me smile. and hopefully, by the end of it, the universe and i will start seeing eye to eye again. because you and i both know that what i really want to do is make a list of all the crap that has been bothering me–but what good would that do anyone–besides giving focus and names to everything i want to go away? so, forward thinking, here we go.
–my job. this time last year i was miserable in a job i didn’t love and trying to attempt to figure out how to make it work. but here i am. writing, blogging, website keeping, communication theorizing, and social networking my butt off. and, doing it for a company who is focused on doing good for other people. nothing about this job feels dishonest, high pressure (in a sales way), or plastic. it makes me feel good about myself. i literally feel like i came from a dark cave into a new world of light. yes, that is cheesy as hell. shut up.
|Day of Caring, United Way of Salt Lake 2011|
–my education. it cost me a lot of money, so i better be thankful for it. it got me the exact job i was looking for. it gave me lifelong friends. and it kept me sane during difficult times. every time i pay that student loan payment, i am going to try to be thankful for the opportunity–finally being able to check off a lifelong goal. 🙂
–russell. no person or relationship is perfect–but if you asked me what kind of man i wanted to be with, no matter at what age, he is what i described. he is, by far, what makes me most happy, feel most secure, and most excited for the future. i believe wholeheartedly that every experience in my life led me straight to him. he is it. everything in my world is better because i share it with him. i never wanted a “other half”–and i am thankful that both of us are whole people, worked hard at being happy alone, and waited for another person who had done the same. i have tried to make other people whole and emptied myself out in the process. russell and i are individuals, and together that makes us unbreakable. i honestly feel like we could face almost anything. i have never felt that before–and i will fight tooth and nail to keep it/protect it/honor it. (and he makes me laugh and he likes everything i cook. extra WIN!)
|Lovah, San Fran, 2011|
|MPC Graduation, 2011|
–my family. yup, there it is. this year has had some strange dynamics–but somehow we always pull through with some laughs at the end. having mandy here for a few weeks was bliss. having celeste closer than st. george has been awesome. we are all adults now and my parents seem to be supportive, if still weary, of some of our decisions. they don’t love that i live with my boyfriend, but they still support and love us and treat him like a son. they don’t love that mandy is never home, but my mom sends packages my parents take trips. they don’t love that celeste is finding her own path, but they still feed her when her broke college ass can’t afford to buy a raman noodles. little disappointments, but always supportive. and we can still find common ground and ways to laugh despite any difference. love them all.
|Mom & Me, Heber Creeper, 2011|
|Typical Mom & Dad, Father’s Day 2011|
|Sisters, Beerhive, 2011|
–my family of friends. this has been a strange year for me as far as friendships go. so without getting details about the ins and outs of things, i am most thankful for those friends in my life who can weather changes, ups and downs, and know that we are there for each other in the end no matter what. for those of you who have allowed me to disappear and reappear, figure things out, call and not call, and still be ready for a glass of wine and catch up session, even after six months of scheduling and rescheduling–your place can never be taken. life changes for everyone constantly. people get married, break up, have kids, find new loves, go out every weekend and then hermit away for months on end–and a myriad of other things. for friendships, old and new, that ride the waves and appreciate the cross sections of currents when they happen, my thankfulness cannot be put into words. for friends who have ridden the waves in other directions, you will always be missed and never replaced. and for friends who are over shit show weekends, let’s hang out. 🙂
my dogs, our cute little bungalo house, working cars, food in the fridge, health health health, sunshine after days of grey, the beautiful mountains, books, records, wine, surround sound, salt lake city, mail when it isn’t a bill, coffee, alchemy coffee’s spiced chai, cooking, back scratches, long phone conversations with my sisters, i love you notes the boyfriend leaves for me when i wake up, the internet, his smile, vacations, high west whiskey, christmas lights, artichoke dip, glitter, tattoos, photos,
and the thought of what tomorrow will bring.
ever thankful. ever grateful. and always remembering that it isn’t the happy people who are thankful but the thankful people who are happy. and i am the happiest when i remember that.