things have been rather mellow. actually, more mellow than i can ever remember them being–and in the best possible ways, i suppose. as someone who has always thrived on being busy, productive, and overall stressed out at all times, i am trying to enjoy this downtime and ignore the feeling that creeps up every so often to get busy again.
i have recently stopped drinking for a while–and it is interesting to see how much that sort of flips your life around a bit. i have never been a heavy drinker, in the sense that getting drunk was ever the point. however, i had worked my way into a bad habit of having a drink or two (and sometimes three) on a near daily basis. mostly because i enjoy drinking wine while i cook (especially when i cook WITH it!), or have a drink while i snuggle up with my man or my pups to watch a flick. it just got to be a way of life really. and most of my social life, in some way, revolved around grabbing a drink, drinking at someone’s house, or pre-gaming before the actual “game.” And, i suppose i didn’t realize how involved alcohol was in my life until i cut it out–and found i had nothing really to do! gasp! what a harsh and sort of ridiculous reality.
the main reason i cut out the drinking was to lose a few pounds–which is working with the help of also cutting out the carbs and sugar. alcohol has so many calories that i don’t need and was ingesting–nearly every day. i guess i didn’t realize that the second effect of not drinking was going to be feeling like a hermit. i have been staying home a lot. my goal was to stop drinking until my birthday on february 25th. however, i am starting to think about how i am going to ‘dive back in’ once that day comes. hopefully, my habits will have changed enough that making a weekly trip to the liquor store for my supply of wine and vodka won’t be necessary. and hopefully, i won’t have that daily urge to have a cocktail with dinner. honestly, i don’t need it….and i don’t want to feel like i want it anymore. but, there is the huge part of me that feels like i won’t be fun–or do fun things–or that i won’t see friends because we simply can’t think of alternative things to do. and then i think that is really fucked up. going for coffee still sounds lame to me…..and that is problematic.
but i am going to do it. and i hope to never be at the point of alcohol consumption that i have been in the past 3 years or so. and let me be clear here–it isn’t a ridiculous amount. i am not a party girl puking in the bathrooms of bars or killing a bottle of anything by myself at home. i would say my drinking is/was moderate. but i would also say it wasn’t healthy and probably contributed to the extra lbs i have so happily (yeah, right) put on since my divorce and grad school. and frankly, life is really happy and full right now–and i can part with my daily habit and let alcohol go back to being a weekend novelty…and perhaps skip a few weekends once in a while.
in the meantime, i am trying to get creative with the things i do and at the same time, be ok with being a homebody (which i have always sort of wanted and never had time to be). i hope to never take a ‘roadie’ cocktail anywhere again. a flask, maybe. maaaaaybe. therefore, UMFA, the otters at the living planet aquarium, and alchemy coffee shop are going to get some visits from chelsea and russell. and anyone else would like to come along. i will, however, be looking forward to a nice glass of wine and a happy ‘salut’ with friends on my 32nd birthday in six weeks. i have no intention of never drinking again–but it is high time i looked forward with a healthy outlook on life and change some habits now, while i can and while my motivation is high. and hopefully, this time next year, i will also be much thinner. ❤
And, those are my thoughts for this thursday. 🙂