Do you ever feel like every part of your life is building, building, and building — and then you reach this certain level of explosion…or maybe it is implosion(?). It is definitely not something in between, but something along the lines of getting to the point of having “too many cooks in the kitchen,” but all the cooks are you and the kitchen is the really small one from your first apartment. Yeah. Something like that.
I am the type of person that doesn’t do things half way. Mostly, that has served me well. Right now I feel a little over goal-ed. A little over-scheduled. And nothing gets 100%. As the wedding planning, European honeymoon, and trip to Portland are all settling down, I am feeling this sense of “Well, Chelsea, it is time to get back on track”. Seriously, like I was somehow “off-track” – derailed with that whole getting married thing. How on earth does my brain do this? Honestly.
Get back to the regular work out.
Get back to cooking healthy meals.
Get back to scheduling those restaurant reviews.
Update the blog. Update the blog. Update the blog.
Keep that Urbanspoon ranking up.
Do Kettlebells for 30 days in a row.
Kick ass at work and figure out how to engage, upgrade, and go places.
Set financial goals and meet them pronto; buy a house, redecorate, create the right mood.
Continuously update your damn social media. UG – hating this more daily.
Take photos of everything so you don’t forget anything.
Finish that professional website you keep dabbling with.
Be fit, healthy, smart, witty, engaging, fashionable, and fun to be around! <insert big, cheesy smile here>
And then, there is the wonderful personal life full of lovely people and hopes for the future. That shit takes time, friends. A lot of it. And that is the time I ultimately want to give. Husband, family, friends, dogs, nature, earth, sleep, creation.
While reading an article today called “Stop Comparing Yourself to Other Women,” I had a little moment of “ah-ha” (my favorite kind of moment). While it was a good reminder to take a step back and think about what my personal and professional goals (which are sometimes one and the same) are, it was also a reminder about the amazing weight that comes with being a woman and wanting to do and have it all, and the continuous question of – “can we really have it all?” and more importantly, “can we do it all well?”.
Maybe I can’t. In fact, I am willing to bet my last bottom dollar that is probably the answer. And I HATE that it is probably the answer. So, what do I want to do the most? And what can I do the best? And where are my efforts most appreciated? What gives me the most personal happiness? What, in the end, is feasible for me to accomplish without being lofty, but still provides a great self-challenge?
I bet you were waiting for an answer, right? I was hoping to arrive at one by the end of this post. It didn’t happen. So, verily verily, I say unto you – I shall be pensive. I shall be thoughtful. I shall consider these questions. And I hope that one day soon, I can settle this explosion inside of me into some kind of constant burn that fuels my creativity and passions, without it ultimately erupting into a mess that leaves me burned-out and unmotivated.
Today, I am a mere dust bowl.