Thoughts Four Days Before My Wedding

I seemed to have passed the paralyzing anxiety. I have hit the wall, had the break down, and moved past it.

So, that’s good!

Yesterday, I crossed the last thing off my wedding “to-do” list.

That’s good too! (It was maybe the longest list of my adult life)

So, I am sitting here – a normal day, on my lunch break – wrapping up things I need to get done at work before a long weekend and trying to come to terms with the very real fact that I am getting married on Saturday.

What?

Awesome!

And, I get to marry the most amazing person I have ever met. Ever. Heart exploding amazing. Lifetime love amazing. Butterflies everyday amazing.

I am nervous. I am nervous and excited and totally panicked. Not panicked because of the whole “married” thing, but panicked because the event planner in me wants to take center stage and the bride in me wants to smack her in the face. Due to circumstances at the warehouse where the party is at, I am not going to be able to participate in ANY set up the day of the wedding. WHAT? That’s right, I gotta turn that all over to my best girlfriends (who I trust implicitly), but relinquishing power is not something I am admittedly very good at. I am getting better. I know that when Russ and I walk into that warehouse, it is going to be amazing. And, I am just going to trust that feeling. Deep breath.

The anxiety is mostly due to a jam packed schedule starting on Thursday and going through most of next week. So many people in town and so many connections to make. Honestly, most of my favorite people in the world will all be in one room. Also, I am going to bawl in front of almost everyone that I love – and that is kind of hard to choke back. I am not easily sensitive in front of anyone, let alone 170 people. This is the main reason why our ceremony only includes those closest to Russ and me. No one needs to see the bawl bag in both of us come out. Really, it isn’t pretty. I hope there is waterproof mascara involved.

Vows are written. Lists are completed. From here on out, things should hopefully just roll smoothly. I feel like the biggest day of my life is just around the corner – go figure. And let me tell you friends, that is enough to get your stomach jumping. It is jumping now. It will be in my throat for the next four days – and I am going to relish every second of it. It has been a long time since anything made me feel this electric. And I am certainly buzzing at a frequency near explosion.

So, either watch out or get on board people. This girl is ready for the wedding of the century.